JB’s Blog

My prior post (deleted) had an error in the address.

http://ivegotthoughts.blogspot.com

But I’m not.  So it’s been awhile, surprised to see I still get some views.   I was debating coming back to announce I was Obama’s VP choice, but didn’t get to it in time…so I guess he got mad and picked someone else…something about needing foreign policy experience.

So remember that fruit from a couple of years ago…yeah well…um…I eat some of it.  Grapes, apples, and bananas oh my.  I got the world’s worst cold.  I was basically sick from the end of October up until almost Thanksgiving.  Normally I kick most colds’ asses within 2-3 days using my zicam.  This cold was the Michael Jordan of colds…draining things from everywhere.  I tried my Zicam, I tried taking Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Airborne…nothing worked.  I remembered one final adage, an apple a day…

The problem was I hated apples, especially red deilicious and all those mushy apples.  However, I remembered I love sour apple flavored things.  I found out the Granny Smiths are what those flavors are based on.  I discovered they are crisp.  Somehow I got over my texture issues with the skins of apples.  I started eating a Granny Smith a day (I still won’t touch another apple…maybe a fuji if you had a gun to my head…anything else and i’ll be writing this from 6 feet lower).  I went crazy and decided I could mix in a banana from time to time too (though i’m not too thrilled with them, but i can tolerate them).

Eventually my cold subsided and I still try to have a granny smith a day.

Well I’m yawning now, might as well take advantage of that…Gnite!

If I was going to create a cover band of "The Killers," I would call it "Beaten to Death."

So let’s get right to it…you’ve waited long enough.  I get back from lunch the other day and push the elevator button to go back to my office.  I then wait…a minute goes by.  Someone else comes to the elevator bank I am at and the proceeds to wait for 15 seconds.  Apparently I did not hit the button well enough because he goes over and proceeds to hit the elevator button which is already lit.  Another 5 seconds go by.  Clearly his hit must not have registered….the elevators are ignoring him.  He then proceeds to hit the button another 22 times.  Nothing.  A deep breath and another 23 hits later the elevator appears…clearly due to his persistence.  What would I have done if he never came along?  I might have been stuck there all day.

During my train trip home yesterday I observed an advertisement that had the following statement, "TSC Direct may save you up to $500 or more."  Let’s break that down, shall we?

Up to 500 = less than or equal to 500
500 or more = 500 or greater

So the above statement is basically saying TSC Direct may save you an infinite amount.  My advice, pick the top number it will save and say up to that number.  So TSC, I’m available when you need me in the future.

I get half an hour to leave my office for lunch everyday.  I work in midtown NYC, and so i venture through all the touristy areas every day.  My first week at the job, my co-worker and I went to Rockefeller Center to watch people fall.  I called my girlfriend to tell her this…her reaction "Watch people fall?!?"…my response, "yeah, and it was disappointing because only one person did and it wasn’t even good."

This past Monday I stayed closer to my office.  My co-worker and I went to the free ice skating rink at Bryant Park.  There people were falling like crazy.  As we were oohing and aahing, I heard someone else echoing.  Not five feet away from us were two other workers on their lunch break.  I turn to them…"Watching people fall?"  One responds, "Yeah bro, every day…for lunch.  It’s better when it is warmer out and water goes flying when they fall." 

I turned to my co-worker and said "That’s like the bizarro version of you and me…although they’re just a bit more sadistic."  Maybe sometime next week we’ll hang a bullseye on the rink by where we are standing.

This past Sunday I decided to make myself some eggs before I was to head out to the gym.  I took out a couple extra large Shop Rite eggs and notice some writing on the egg shells. The expiration date was put dirctly on the egg.  "That’s a good idea," I thought.  Then I noticed there was larger print on the other side of the shell. "The Class, a new comedy."  It was an advertisement for CBS’s new sitcom…on my EGG!  Advertising has now gotten directly onto my food.  The thing is, "The Class" is on at night…and well, eggs are a morning food.  So I guess my next hamburger will have "The Class" charred into the top.

So this is bugging me and I felt the need to share it with my imaginary audience.  I just heated up water, looking forward to drinking a cup of my 99.9% caffeine free Hershey’s hot chocolate.  As all hot cocoa/chocolate packets say, I heated the water, and this time, for the first time ever, I measured an actual 6 ounces.  Yes this time the hot cocoa didn’t taste all watery.  However…6 ounces barely makes it to half a mug!!!  Seriously, if you’re craving a cup of hot cocoa, do you want only half a mug.  This means that you need to use 1.5-2 packets just to get a full mug of hot cocoa. 

So to the hot cocoa makers of the world…yes you Swiss Miss, you’re included too… make larger packets!

1) Yesterday I was in a framing shop looking at frames for my degrees.  The guy suggested matting and some frames and when the guy went to tally up the prices, told me he was having a slow day, and so he would give me this 50% off coupon code he was not supposed to give me.  My grand total with the supposed 50% off…$317 for two to be framed.  Somehow I doubt that anyone pays $634 to frame two degrees.  I’ll call this one the invisible coupon…the discount nobody has…except the store.

2) Similarly related is the "constant sale."  Items have these fake regular prices put on them, but somehow 7 days a week there is some sort of discount that you can take on them.  There is no sale…the fake price is too high to begin with.

3) Next up is coming up with "retail price" and then listing "our price" beneath it.  Again the "retail price" is way higher than anyone would spend, making the easily susceptible think they’re getting a great bargain.

4) One of the dumbest phrases is "the more you buy, the more you save."  NFL Shop just sent me that one in my email box today.  While you may be taking discounts if a buy more than one, chances are I only need one.  The more I buy…THE MORE I SPEND. 

5) Gym initiation fees are another one of those ridiculous techniques.  Why, you ask?  I’ll tell you.  You are getting no discount on the monthly fee.  Instead they invent some "regular" initiation fee to join the gym that no one has ever paid in the history of the company, and then tell you for the next week only, next month only, or sometimes, TODAY ONLY (holy crap, hurry), you can join for only $29 for initiation instead of the "regular" $99.  Meanwhile most people either get the fee waived or only pay that price to begin with.

6) I’ll finish up with one that is near and dear to me.  This is mainly because back when I was in high school I worked at a Kmart.  You advertise these great sales on items, and only stock five of that item or some other absurd amount.  For the next 6 and three quarter days you have to constantly tell people you are out of the item.  Most people will not think to ask for a raincheck.  The store accomplishes getting you into it, hoping you’ll purchase something else.  Also, those items that were rainchecked…they may not come in for six weeks, leaving many forgetting they even have the raincheck or having lost that slip of paper.

A couple of notes on business cards:

1)  I was looking for storage the other day.  I went into one place and the clerk at the counter handed me the manager’s business card.  The name on the business card was "Katie."  That was it.  Katie is a great name to use by itself when you your third grade teacher is taking attendance.  However, Katie by itself on a business card when you are a manager is not considered the most professional thing to do.

2) I was on the train into the city to visit my girlfriend this past weekend when some random 40 year old woman darted over to my seat to ask me for my business card.  I had none, but essentially she wanted to meet for drinks.  I politely declined.  I’ll give her credit for originality though.